Have you ever heard of the Japanese terms Honne and Tatemae?
Basically, Honne is what we’re really thinking, and Tatemae is the polite “public face” we put on to keep things smooth. I used to think this was a uniquely Japanese thing, but then I started learning English and realized that everyone does this.
I remember watching How I Met Your Mother, where Ted Mosby was losing his mind trying to find a “nice” way to break up with someone. He couldn’t just say “You’re not the one,” so he went looking for a diplomatic excuse. That’s pure Tatemae. I guess it’s just human nature to want to avoid a fight.
Still, when my non-Japanese friends ask me, “Wait, is that Honne or Tatemae?” I’m impressed. I think it shows they really get the Japanese language and culture. If you’re ever talking to a Japanese person, try joking about it and see how they react.
But sometimes, these “polite excuses” get a bit extreme. Take Kyoto, for example. There’s a famous (and slightly scary) legend that if a host compliments your watch, they might actually be saying, “Check the time, you’ve been here way too long.” It’s probably more of a meme than a daily occurrence nowadays, but it’s a classic example of how we communicate without actually saying what we mean.
In the Japanese Diet (our parliament), they still stick to some really old-school rules. For example, bringing a tablet into a session to look at documents is actually not allowed because it is seen as “lacking dignity.” (Source: https://news.yahoo.co.jp/articles/c49fe40af8a34b987069e7d1ad3b97ea59b77718)
I feel like seeing a politician literally napping in their chair in Diet sessions—which happens all the time—is way more “undignified” than using an iPad to work efficiently.
It makes me wonder: Is “dignity” just a Tatemae? Are they using it as an excuse to hide a different Honne, like being afraid of change or digital transparency? Maybe I’m overthinking it, but in a country where the real reason is so often left unsaid, you can’t help but try to read between the lines.
